THE RIGHTS OF A HUSBAND AND HIS STATUS
BY MUFTI MUHAMMAD TAQI USAMANI (RAH)

All praise is for Allah. We praise Him and seek His help and His forgiveness and we believe in Him and rely on Him. We seek refuge with Him from the mischief of our selves and the vices of our deeds. There is none to lead him astray whom Allah guides and there is none to guide him whom Allah lets go astray. I bear witness that there is no God but Allah alone and that He has no partner. I also bear witness that our master, our authority, and our Prophet and our master. Muhammad ££ is His servant and His Messenger. May Allah bestow upon him, his household and his Companions (RA). His mercy and blessings in abundance.

Men are the in charge of women because Allah has made some to excel the other and because they (men) spend of their moneys (for the support of women). So virtuous women are obedient, guarding in absence which Allah has guarded. (4:34)

I believe in Allah. Allah our Great Master has told the truth and His kind Prophet and Messenger has (also) told the truth and we are witnesses to that. The previous discourse dealt with the rights of a wife which are due to her by her husband. It contained directions how a husband should behave with his wife. The fact is that the Shari ah which is a law appointed by Almighty Allah is not partial to anyone but it takes into consideration both sides, and guarantees the good and welfare of both in this world as well as in the Hereafter. Just as the fulfillment of the rights of the wife has been made binding on the husband, in the same way Almighty Allah and His Messenger (saws) have mentioned the rights of the husband, wife has been made responsible to discharge. The Holy Quran and the Traditions both lay great emphasis and stress on the fulfillment of both categories of these rights.

Today every person is demanding his rights
The Shariah has directed every person to discharge his bounded duties. It has not encouraged any one to de mand only his rights. We see that the present day world is a world of struggle for rights. Everyone is demanding his rights through agitation, demonstrations, and by going on strikes. In fact, all possible efforts are being made every where in the world and associations have been established for this one-sided objective of attaining Rights, e.g. "The As association for the Protection of Rights of. ". There is no as association to ensure the fulfillment of duties and liabilities. None cares to think whether or not he is discharging the duties entrusted to him. The workers and the capitalists both are demanding their rights, but none of them ever thinks how he should discharge his duties and obligations. Husband and wife both are crying for their rights and making frantic efforts to that end. A battle, as it were, is raging on this account. Yet none is seen inclined to consider for a while whether or not he is himself discharging his own duties and liabilities.

Everyone should discharge his duties
The essence of the teachings of Allah and His Messenger (saws) is that every person should pay attention to the duties entrusted to him and do his best to discharge them. If people begin to discharge their duties the rights of others will automatically get discharged and settled amicably. If a labourer discharges his duties and liabilities will naturally result in the satisfaction of the rights of the capitalist and the employer. Similarly, if the capitalists and the employers discharge their duties the rights of the labourer will be fulfilled. Again, if the husband and the wife discharge their duties to each other their mutual rights will be discharged automatically. What the Shari ah demands of its followers is that everyone should realize his responsibilities and seek to discharge them with sincerity and faithfully.

Mind your own business
Values have changed in a very strange way. Whenever a leader rises to lead others he totally forgets himself and does not search his own heart and actions to discover that he too, may have faults and shortcomings which he should rectify. The Hloly Qur'an says:

O you who believe ! Take charge of your own souls. He who errs cannot injure you if you are rightly guided, (5:105)

The direction contained in this verse advises you to take care of your own selves to find out what duties lie on you, what Almighty Allah and His Prophet (saws) demand from you, what you owe to the Shariah, concerning honesty, trust and morality. Discharge your part of obligations and li-abilities. As for those who are in error and are not discharging their duties, you will not suffer for their misconduct and failure, if you are rightly discharging your own duties.

The style of the teachings of the Holy Prophet (saws)
You may be aware that during the days of the Holy prophet (saws), government officials used to call upon the public to collect Zakat (obligatory- tax) from them. In those days possessions consisted mainly of cattle including camels. goats, cows. etc. While deputing his officers on this work the Holy Prophet (saws) used to furnish them with a letter containing instructions as to how they were to discharge their duties. The letter also contained this direction:

(Abu Dawood. Rook of Zakat. chapter - Tasadduqul-Awamal Tradition no 1591)

This means that the collectors were to collect the amounts of Zakat personally at the doors of the people. T hey should not sit at some place to trouble the people taking their Zakat to the collectors. He (saws)_ used to advise them as under:

(Abu Dawood. chapter Zakat Tradition no 1585)

This means that a man who is not honest in collecting the Zakat. i.e. he is collecting more amount or quantity (of the animals, etc.) than was due. is committing a sin equal to the sin of the one who is not paying his Zakat. This the collectors of Zakat are being warned not to wrong the payers by receiving from them even a penny more than the due amount, because if they did they would be called to account on the Day of Judgment. On the other hand, the payers of Zakat were addressed thus:

(Tirmidhi. Book of Zakat chapter - Tradition no 647)

The collectors of Zakat will visit you. Take care that they do not leave you displeased. You should please them and should not do them anything to make them displeased, because they are in fact my emissaries and representatives. To displease them would be to displease me (saws)..

Thus, the Holy Prophet -(saws) has reminded each one of his responsibilities and duties. He (saws) did not incite the payers of Zakat to make an agitation against the collectors of Zakat that they might not usurp their rights, nor were they advised to form an association which usually becomes a source of contention between the two.

The Shari 'ah has laid great emphasis on discharging duties honestly because everyone is accountable for every action before Almighty Allah. He should, therefore, prepare himself for giving an account in the Hereafter. The entire philosophy of religion consists in this principle and not that everyone should be demanding his rights from others and should at the same time be unmindful of his own obligations and responsibilities.

How to Regulate one's life
In the matter of mutual relations between husband and wife Almighty Allah and His messenger (saws) have adopted the same method that they have informed each side of his/her duties which each one should strive to discharge Life may be compared to a vehicle the two wheels of which are husband and wife. To let this vehicle of life run smoothly,it is necessary that each of its wheels, husband and wife, should discharge his/her duties faithfully and be considerate towards the rights of the other, and think her or his rights more than their duties. Such feeling shall bring about stability in life- This aspect is so important and Allah and His Prophet (saws) are so particular and concerned about the stability and smoothness of human life that the Qur'an and the Traditions are full of injunctions about the duties and responsibilities imposed on man and woman. There is nothing more displeasing to Allah and his Messenger (saws) than the discord between husband and wife.

Satan's Court
According to a Tradition the Holy Prophet (saws) is reported to have said: This Iblis or Satan sometimes places his throne on the surface of the ocean and holds his court there. At that time all his disciples and followers assemble in his court. They are asked to submit their progress report and every disciple submits his report to Satan for his perusal. One disciple submits that he saw a man going to the mosque but he involved him in some work that detained him from the prayer. Satan pleased to hear this but not too much. Another disciple relates a similar story of stopping a Namazi from some worship and Satan is pleased with this too. Such submissions continue until a disciple told Satan that a pair of husband and wife was leading a very happy life with love and co-operation, but he through some schemes, sowed the seed of distrust and conflict between them and they parted with each other. When Satan hears this of creating hate and enmity between couple who were living together in peace and contentment he stands up from his throne with joy and embraces the disciple and acknowledges him as his true representative, because he had performed a feat which none else had done .Sahih Muslim. Book of attributes of the hypocrites. Tradition no: 3813)

Now you can see how hateful and condemnable in the sight of Allah and His Prophet -(saws) are the mutual quarrels, hatred and separation between husband and wife by divorce. etc.! And again how pleasing and blissful the same detestable acts are to Satan! That is why Allah Almighty and His Prophet -(saws) have mentioned in details in the Quran and the Traditions rights and obligations of man and woman. If men obey these injunctions, they can reform and rectify their worldly lives as well as their Hereafter.

Man is In charge over woman
As such Imam Nuwa-wi (rah) has framed another chapter under the title "The rights of husband over wife." The Imam has cited under this chapter Quranic verses and Traditions and has opened the chapter with the verse:
Men are in charge of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other. (4:34)

In other words men are watchmen and look after women. Some have also translated this verse to mean that men are rulers over women. The dictionary meaning of the word "Qaw-waam" is a person who is responsible to do or manage some work. Thus, men are in charge over women: they manage their affairs and are their rulers. Here a guiding principle has been provided. Without such a principle man may go on doing wrong in all their affairs misled by a misconception. Thus, while describing men's rights the Shari 'ah has advised women at the very outset about the basic principle that men are protectors and administrators of women's affairs in their lives.

The Propaganda of the contemporary world
In today's world great emphasis is being laid and agitations are launched in support of equality of women with men and their emancipation from man's upper hand. In such an atmosphere people feel ashamed to admit that the Shari ah has made men in charge of women because today full-fledged propaganda is going on that men have imposed their superiority over women. They have been imprisoned under men's hand as helpless subjects and have been declared inferior to men.

While on a .Journey choose one of you as a Leader
Man and woman are indeed the two wheels of the vehicle of life. They have both to make the journey of life together. In this journey of life it is very essential that for the sake of management and guidance one of the two should be made leader to manage the whole journey. The Holy Prophet (saws) is reported to have said in a Tradition:

Whenever two men are on a journey together let one of them make the other his leader, irrespective of that the journey is long or short. It is not right for them to undertake a journey without a leader, so that all the policies and the management of the journey in progress may be subject to the decisions of the leader. Without a responsible leader there may be disorder and confusion. (Abu Dawood Book of Jihad chapter about appointing a leader. Tradition no 2608)

When so much emphasis has been laid on appointing a leader on a short journey, why should this emphasis of appointing a leader not apply to this long journey of life which has to be undertaken together, to avoid mismanagement and to ensure a safe and smooth journey ? Thus, it is imperative to appoint a leader to establish this order.

Who should be the Leader of the journey of life ?
Only two alternatives are open: either the man should be appointed as leader in the journey of life, or the woman should be appointed as leader in the journey of life and the man made her sub-ordinate: there is no third alternative. Now man and woman have been created with distinct physical features. Man is stronger and distinctly more capable of facing the hardship of life than a woman who has been created with tender features. It is. therefore, man alone and not woman, who can discharge rightly and efficiently the duties of this leadership. Instead of relying on one's own wisdom one should better ask Almighty Allah, the Creator as to which of the two should be appointed the leader of the journey. No human judgment, however, wisely made on this issue, can be accepted, except Almighty Allah's infallible judgment. Allah has commanded that man is.. "In charge. the ruler and manager". If man accepts this divine judgment it will ensure prosperity and success. On the other hand, if man rejects and disobeys this judgment and rebels against it. he is going to ruin his life. In fact, the divine punishment is in progress. Look at the fate of the transgressors!

The conception of a Leader in Islam
Try to grasp the meaning of the word which Almighty Allah has used in His command. He has not used the word Amir (leader). Hakim (Ruler) or Badshah (King). He has used, instead the word Qaw-waam (Incharge) which means a person who is responsible for some work and to be responsible means that he will decide upon the overall policy of life. To be a Qaw-waam never means that the husband is the master and the wife is his slave girl or maid servant. The relation between husband and wife is that of a leader and follower, ruler and subject. However, it is not the concept of Amir in Islam that sitting on a throne he should be governing his subjects. On the contrary the concept of Amir in Islam is that which the Holy prophet (saws) has stated:

The leader of the people is their servant, (kanzui Umwal Tradition no 17517)

What an Amir (leader) should be like ?
My honourable father Hazrat Mufti Muhammad Shafi' Sahib (rah) used to relate an incident which is reproduced below in his own words:

Once we were going from Deoband (India) on a journey to some other place. My teacher Hazrat Maulana Izaz Ali Sahib (rah) who was known in Deoband as "Shaikhul Adab" was also accompanying us in the journey. When we reached the Railway Station there was yet some time for the arrival of the train. Maulana 'izaz Ali Sahib said: It is in a Tradition that when you go on a journey, appoint someone your leader, so we too should appoint someone our leader. He being our teacher and we his pupils. I said: We already have an Amir with us. Hazrat Maulana asked : Who is he? I replied: You being our teacher and we your pupils, you are the Amir. Maulana said: All right, but you will have to obey every order of the Amir, because an Amir means that he should be obeyed. I said: When we have appointed you our Amir. We shall. God willing, obey you in all matters. The Maulana was satisfied. When the train arrived, the Maulana took up some luggage of the companions on his head and some in his hands and moved towards the train. At this, we exclaimed What are you doing Sir? Let us carry- the lug-gage. The Maulana replied: No when you have appointed me an Amir, you will have to obey me. Let me carry this luggage. Thus he loaded the entire luggage into the compartment. Apart from this, during the entire journey: when there was some hard job. Maulana himself did it and when we objected, he would at once say: Look here! You have appointed me an Amir and you will have to obey yow Amir's orders. So. Obey my orders. It turned out to be very hard on us to appoint him an Amir. This indeed is the concept of Amir in Islam.

An Amir (leader) is he who serves others
Today when we conceive in our minds an Amir, we conceive him as a King and a Lord who does not tolerate even to talk to his subjects and subordinates. On the other hand, the concept of an Amir, according to the Qur'an and the Traditions is that of a person who is a servant and is ready to serve others. The concept of Amir is not that he has been appointed a King to issue his commands to others to obey him as his servants and slaves. If an Amir issues some command his command will be valid and binding, yet its objective will be their service and to ensure their comfort and welfare only and not a show and exercise of authority.

Husband and wife are friends
Hakimul Ummat Hazrat Ashraf Ali Thanawi has said: Men are particular in preserving in their minds the Quranic verse. meaning that men are in-charge and rulers over women. On the basis of this divine command they are domineering upon women and harbouring in their minds the notion that a woman should in all circumstances be obedient and the relation between the two sexes should be that of master and servant: this is indeed horrible! Almighty Allah has revealed in the Qur'an another verse also which these men do not remember. The verse runs thus:

And it is of His signs that He created for you wives from your own species (i.e. women) so that you may get comfort from them, and He created between you (husband and wife) love and mercy. (30:21)

Hazrat Thanawi has said that man is indeed incharge over woman but at the same time the two are on friendly terms with each other. From the administrative point of view man is incharge or a ruler but internally husband and wife are friends. They are not as master and maid servants with each other. They are just like two friends going on a journey and one makes the other a leader of the journey. The husband is. therefore, an Amir (Leader), because he is responsible to take decisions on affairs arising during the journey of the entire lifetime. This does not permit him to treat his wife as a maidservant and slave girl. This friendship between husband and wife entails some discipline and demands. Within these discipline and demands there are also some tender emotions of coquetry closeness which do not negate their status as being a controller and the controlled.

Such awe is not needed
Hazrat Thanawi (rah) has said that there are some persons in our society who are under the impression that they are ruler over their wives, they should be so awe-inspiring that their wives should shudder with fear when their names are mentioned and should not be able to have conversation with freedom. A class fellow of Maulana once said to him with great pride that when he returned home after many months, his wife and children did not have courage enough to approach him and talk to him. Maulana Sahib asked him: Do you turn into a ravenous animal like a lion or a tiger that your wife or children fear to go near you when you enter your home? He replied: No. this is not the matter, but this is because I am incharge and they should be overawed in my presence. It should be well understood that being incharge never means that wife and children should feel afraid to go near the head of the family and talk to him. There should also be a relation of friendship between them. Read in the following pages what kind of relationship it should be:

The Sunnah of the Holy Prophet (saws)
Once the Holy Prophet (saws) said to Hazrat Ayeshah (ra): I become aware of both the occasions when you are pleased and when you are displeased with me. Hazrat Ayeshah (ra) asked: O Prophet -(saws) of Allah, how do you come to know this? The Holy Prophet (saws) replied: When you are pleased with me you swear by the name of the Lord of Muhammad" and when you are displeased with me you swear by the name of the "Lord of Ibrahim", without pronouncing my name at that time. In reply to this Hazrat Ayeshah said:

O Prophet of Allah I omit only your name. Odo not omit any other feeling. (Sahih Bukhari, Book of etiquettes, Chapter “ It is not lawful to leave the sinner” Tradition No 6-78)

Now think a while who is being displeased and with whom? Hazrat Ayeshah (ra) is displeased with the Holy prophet (saws). This shows that Hazrat 'Ayeshah (ra) sometimes used to say something by way of complacency which gave the impression that she had some ill-will and displeasure in her heart - a mater which the Holy Prophet -(saws) did not take to be against his authoritative 'Inchargeship'. On the other hand he (saws) told her in a very pleasant mood mat he could know the occasions of'Ayeshah's' (ra) displeasure.

A wife's self esteem
When the charge of a heinous slander was levied against the Mother of the believers. Hazrat Ayeshah (ra) may Allah forgive us. it shocked her as a bolt from the blue: so distressing it was! The Holy Prophet (saws) himself was shocked with deep grief that such an undesirable rumour had spread among the people. The Holy Prophet (saws) said to Hazrat Ayeshah (ra) O 'Ayeshah, look here! You need not be so sad. If you are innocent. Allah will surely disclose your innocence. On he other hand, if you have committed - God forbid - Some fault or sin, then turn to Allah in repentance. He shall par-d 'on you.

Hazrat' Ayeshah (ra) felt it too shocking for her that the Holy Prophet (saws) should have spoken these words: If you are innocent Allah will surely disclose your innocence. On the other hand, if you have committed some fault or sin, then turn to Allah in repentance. This shows that there was some slight suspicion in his (saws) heart about the possibility of this sin. On account of a very great shock which she had from this speech she lay down and in this very state the verses exonerating her were revealed. Hazrat Abu Bakr (ra) was also present on that occasion. The Holy Prophet (saws) was also overjoyed to listen to those verses. Hazrat Abu Bakr (ra) also was very happy and he said that God willing, the entire calumny would come to an end. He said to Hazrat' Ayeshah (ra): Receive the glad tidings that Almighty Allah has revealed verses to exonerate you. Get up. stand up before the Holy Prophet (saws) and salute him. Hazrat 'Ayeshah (ra) . was lying on her bed. listened to the verse of exonerating and said, while still lying: It is Allah's mercy that He has revealed my innocence. I. therefore, want to thank none, but Allah, because you (both) had allowed a suspicion to enter your hearts about a possibility of my having Committed a sin. (Saluh Bukhari. The book of Tafasir of Surah An-Noor Tradition no 750)

Apparently Hazrat 'Ayeshah (ra) avoided standing before the Holy Prophet (saws), but the Holy Prophet '(saws) did not take it ill because this was matter of feminine self-esteem which emanated from Hazrat 'Ayeshah

It should be noted that this practice of self-esteem is a natural demand of love and friendship. Thus, the relation between husband and wife is not only that of authority and subordination but also of friendship and love. Friendship rightly demands that the play of such feminine coquetry should be tolerated with masculine patience and generosity. It is, however, quite a different matter that in very extreme cases of misconduct the Holy Prophet (saws) expressed his anger. He has. however, always tolerated such behaviours.

It is an act of Summit to please the wife
This is how the Holy Prophet (saws) allowed the demand of friendship. The Holy Prophet (saws) enjoyed a very elevated rank and status with Almighty Allah with his close contact, and the unique privilege of conversation with Him. Yet he at all times tried to please his sacred wives, sought to keep them heartily happy and satisfied, and behaved with them most amicably. An example of this amicability on his part was that one night he related to Hazrat 'Ayeshah (ra) the story of eleven women of Yaman. He told her how these women decided among them that they would disclose to one another the true conducts and characters of their husbands. They depicted the true conditions of their husbands in the most eloquent, chaste and lucid language. He (saws) related this story for the sake of Hazrat Ayeshah's '(ra) pleasure. (Shamail Trimidhi-Chapter on the Prophet’s Night talk)

Bantering with wife is a Sunnah of the Holy Prophet (saws)
One day the Holy Prophet (saws) was staying at the house of Hazrat Sawdah (ra) as it was her turn Hazrat 'Ayeshah (ra) prepared a sweet dish for the Holy Proph et -(saws) and brought it to Hazrat Sawdah's house and placed the dish before the Prophet (saws). She asked Hazrat Sawdah (ra) sitting in front, to take some from the dish. Hazrat Sawdah was annoyed at it. Because it was her turn. Hazrat Sawdah refused to take the sweet. Thereupon Haz rat 'Ayeshah insisted upon Hazrat Sawdah (ra) to eat the sweet or otherwise she threatened that she would smear Sawdah's face with it. Hazrat Sawdah again refused to eat it. Then Hazrat Ayeshah took a small amount of the sweet and rubbed it on Hazrat Sawdah's (ra) face. Hazrat Sawdah (ra) complained to the Holy Prophet (saws) against this behaviour of Hazrat 'Ayeshah The Holy Prophet (saws) said: The reward of an ill is an ill the like thereof. (42.40) In other words if anyone misbehaves with you, you may also misbehave with him in retaliation. The Holy Prophet (saws), therefore, asked Hazrat Sawdah to take her revenge from Hazrat' Ayeshah by rubbing the sweet on her face. Hazrat Sawdah did this. Now both the wives had the sweet on their faces. All this happened before the Holy Prophet (saws) . In the meantime there was a knock at the door. On inquiry it came to knowledge that Hazrat Umar Farooq (ra) was there (probably the Hi jab (veil) had not been enforced by that time). On hearing this the Holy Prophet (saws) asked the two wives to wash their faces, because Hazrat Umar (ra), had arrived there. They, therefore, washed their faces. ( Majmauz-zawaid-Haishami Vol iv P316)

The Prophet (saws) who was constantly in communion with Allah, was continuously in conversation with Him and revelation was descending down: it was indeed a personality that enjoyed the privilege of presence before Allah which none else enjoyed on the surface of the earth. Despite all this, the Holy Prophet (saws) cared so much for the happiness and pleasure of his sacred wives (raa)